Màgoa – (n.) Portuguese: A heartbreaking feeling that leaves long-lasting traces, visible in gestures and facial expressions; sorrow, grief; hurt.
I always have this fascination for words that are found in other cultures that are not easily translated into English and other languages. These words have so much depth to them as it represents the culture and world that conceived it. The thought that one word can provide a kaleidoscope of colors of a different world is so magical.
Summer is slowly making its way out in DC—and taking its sweet time departing as Fall is right around the corner. Within this summer heat, it brought me back memories of my mom. The way the humid heat lingered on my skin on my way home today brought back the memories of when I held my mom’s hand when I was little up to when she passed away. It didn’t feel like a rush of memories flooding my mind but more so faint lingering moments passing by. I thought of the times she held on with so much grip, yet it felt soft and tender to the touch when I was young. Either guiding me through the market or having her hold on to me as we perused the mall—each time was memorable since the way I held on to her and vice versa changed as I grew up with her through the years. As I reached home, the memory that I have holding her hand as she lay in the hospital bed remained in my mind as soon as I got inside my apartment. I still remember that when I held her hand, there was still lingering heat despite the cold snow that was outside that day she passed. The lingering heat that felt like her saying goodbye to me was and will be something that I will never forget.
Thus, here we are. As I got settled in at home and at my computer, I stumbled upon this word that channeled those emotions and memories. The memories of holding my mom’s hands and cupping them to the side of my face truly made me miss her even more. As of right now, I’m experiencing a lot of emotions but deep down, although I miss her dearly, my heart is content knowing that she is resting in peace. I feel that the picture I’ve taken above during this summery day in DC depicts just that—the sun just kissing the building as it sets while the light and shadows lingers on until the evening.
I miss you. But I know and You know that I will be okay someday.
Stay Golden, Mama.