Countless nights, late night drafts, unfinished posts…and here we are again. It;s been so long since my last post. I’m kind of glad it didn’t reach a year since I last posted here. Nonetheless, I’m here.
There are many reasons to why I have returned. There were moments where I really wanted to abandon this blog and just start anew. There were other times where I just forgot the use of it due to an imbalance in my life. With many reasons and explanations, I noticed a big difference in taking a hiatus off of the blog. I planned only for a short break as I try to find balance in my daily life in the beginning of 2018. I told myself that my only goal this year is to find a sense of clarity in everything I set my mind to in terms of forming daily habits that not only improve my professional work but also my personal life and creative interests. What became my downfall from it all was that I spent so much time planning strategically that I ended up losing the purpose of finding my balance. I ended up taking so much time off from planning and not much time executing the passion projects I wanted to pursue, ie. blog content, art, media, etc.
And then, the most unexpected situation happened. It took the loss of my mom for me to realize that I can only plan so much of my life. Life isn’t guaranteed tomorrow no matter how much I plan it out. What I sought as a hiatus on my creative projects became a hiatus on life.
Now that it’s August, there are so many aspects of my life that has changed from family dynamic to professional work. I now have more time to find rest and balance and I’m so glad to be back here. I never would have thought to come back writing a post like this at all. However, this blog has served me as not just a creative content platform but also a journaling tool that captures tidbits of my life and my personal growth. One of the biggest inspirations for me to jump back on tonight was a deep conversation I’ve had with a dear friend. I haven’t seen her since my mom has passed and it was the first time in a long time that I have had a deep conversation with her about goals, dreams, personal setbacks, and improvements. The longer I hold myself back from finding the perfect time to create, the brutal the anxiety gets from all the pressure of having it done ‘right’. Additionally, I strongly believe that I can get through the healing process through creating again–for my mom loved my side projects; she was an entrepreneur on the side herself as she worked as a preschool teacher.
“Downtime is where we become ourselves…a hiatus that passes for boredom but is really the quiet moving of wheels that fuel creativity.”
After meeting with my friend, I raced back home on my bike, ready to write away…
Sometimes, the ‘Write’ moment is Right now.
I’m glad to be back.