One day when I was having a nice chat with my boyfriend about traveling together during a car ride, I remember telling him about all of the places I’ve been to ever since I was little. I constantly moved place to place, country to country, and looking back at it now, I would say I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to do so. There something really nostalgic that lingers within my mind and heart whenever I’ve reminisced on traveling and reaching a certain destination.
Each time was utterly bittersweet. Bitter from constantly having to start over and leaving something behind but sweet enough to make new memories and learning a new world beyond the oceans and beneath the sky.
Each time felt like a metamorphosis. From each landing to each lift off, I’ve experienced a different sense of self. I was never the same in one place to the next. However, the only person who has seen my true self transform from one thing to another was my mom and I am really happy to have her witness that. To grow with me and love me each time.
Then, brutal but tragic and beautiful adolescence made its way into my life and in every single moment and chance to experience change and transformation became something I dreaded and rejected. Essentially, the time of adolescence is when we are all trying to discover ourselves and as soon as we see something that can define us, we keep it close and interweave our beings to it. And once we are intertwined with that, we own something, an identity that cannot be separated amidst all the instability we experience during those developing years whether it be physical, mental, or emotional. Moving from place to place added on to that instability that I experienced so I became pretty lost with who I really was as a person. The one part of my identity that I was holding onto for dear life (or so it felt like it) was seeping through my fingers like fine dust once again, leaving me with a hollow shell.
Once adolescence took its final leave, that is when I started seeing how much I’ve gone through in terms of transforming myself in each place/country I’ve been to or lived in. I’ve taken bits and pieces of myself that remained from my travels and let go of some that weren’t really sticking. Cue the pictures taken during my early adolescent years…notably cringe-worthy. But it was something that made me look forward to the future. I began to travel more and each time I remained conscious of who I was and what I can transform to be after each trip.
To be frankly honest, I still am transforming as we speak. I don’t think there will ever be a time where I can truly say: this is me. This is how it’s supposed to be. So for each new adventure I go on, whether near or far, I look forward to shedding parts of my old self and to transform into something new. Something new and improved. Hopefully.
Have you ever experienced some sort of a metamorphosis when moving to a new place/country?
Make some room for me butterflies, I need to start flying again soon.