It’s obvious that I haven’t been posting lately for a solid week, with an extra couple of days. Before any assumptions form, I would like to address the matters once and for all in a few points:
- I have not given up.
- I did not forget.
- I am not running away.
These three things were on my mind constantly during my hiatus from AmbushtheNight. Why did I take a hiatus in the first place? Simple. I was experiencing a sense of creative complacency. I fell into a routine that rendered me a slave to my work, all the crafts. I’ve always dreamed of reaching this point where I just started creating as soon as I sat down and placed my hands on my desk. I noticed the start of this creative complacency when a week before I wrote the post focusing on living in the present moment. After that, everything that I created felt like there was a certain lull to it in terms of what I would like it to give off. With every post and project that I create, I always feel warm and content with what I’ve created up until the hunger to make new things comes the next day. But in the past 2 weeks, everything felt like bleh. Literally. The one word that would explain how it felt when I posted something.
What was the cause of it? I have the strange feeling it is from 1. the routine and 2. larger audience I gained from promoting myself on social media. The challenge that I took in order to evolve has swallowed me whole in the past two weeks. I didn’t feel as hungry to create merely because I was so caught up in trying to fall into a routine. However, there are some great individuals who do stick to a routine to create the miracles of media that we are reminded of each day. And maybe, just maybe, that routine isn’t for me. I did a little…more like a whole lot of self reflection during my hiatus and it has come to this. Right when things felt easy to accomplish, every thing that I make just felt disconnected.
So from my previous post on Progress Report, I won’t be doing scheduled posts ever again. It was the one thing that made it feel all so easy. But in the end I felt so disconnected from my posts. Once it was posted, I ended up falling into the cycle of craving the views and seeing how many people read or liked my posts. This is the one thing I tried to avoid before and now it is back. We’re not all perfect, right? To be frankly honest, I’d rather keep falling down and getting back up again. For once we reach rock bottom, the only way to move is go up.
I’m glad that I am able to just share this with you all, whether you read it or not. I just need to remind myself the reason why I am doing all of this and staying grounded with the challenge that I am partaking. Maybe if you are in a slump, here’s a reminder that you are not alone. It’s okay to fall and get back up. It is scary to place yourself out there for the sake of what you love and to be criticized and judged upon. At the end of the day, remind yourself that you are doing whatever you love for the sake of yourself. Whatever you put out from within, the universe brings back to you tenfold.
” Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” -Anais Nin
I just want to create AND be present in the moment of creation. What was so complicated to me before finally makes so much sense now. And as what my dear architecture professors would always tell me: Keep it Simple, Stupid.